I guess I should be happy that my ex-boyfriend Jimmy Fallon is now engaged and happy. But must I send pre-nuptial gifts and congratulations when the *girl* in question is a forty year old, Barrymore-wannabe hag?I can't totally fault Nancy Juvonen for meeting Drew back on the set of Mad Love, forcing a creepy friendship, and demanding they form a production company together -I mean, the duo did produce the masterpiece Duplex, so SOMEthing must have sparked between them. But I'm pretty sure Nancy dyes her hair brown every time Drew does and buys the S A M E exact pair of hippy sandals that Drew does and stops plucking her eyebrows every time Drew thinks that's pretty and becomes a vegan, then just a vegetarian and then a full-blown carnivore as Drew does weekly.
Nancy =Heddy Carlson
Drew=Allison Jones
That's a Single White Female reference in case you were raised in Guam or by wolves. And either way, you should be mortified at your lack of pop-culture awareness, and hightail it to your nearest Blockbuster to re-familiarize yourself with the finest film genre of all time:
The nineties thriller.
Might I suggest The Hand that Rocks the Cradle, Malice, Consenting Adults and Sleeping With the Enemy just to get you started...
PS: Please revisit the photo and inspect Nancy's midriff area. I'm not sure if it's the cut of that heinous, Dress Barn frock showcasing her middle-aged gut, or if she's in a family way. I'M guessing preggers--which would help to make some sense of this whole tragedy.
PPS: Maybe I don't even care about Jimmy loving another woman--look at his freakishly tiny hands compared with hers. Or maybe she just has man-hands. I just don't know anymore.
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